Fool us twice: That's Fox's ratings strategy

Waste not, want not.That's apparently the motto over at Fox Broadcasting, which isn't above eating its dead in the name of ratings. (So far, this is only ametaphor, but stay tuned for "World's Greatest Network Executive Cannibals.")

You remember "Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction," don't you? Sure you do. Built around a snippet of black-and-white film that allegedly showed doctors slicing up an alien body in Roswell, N.M., in 1947, this "reality" show was such a hoot that even Fox Mulder took a shot at it on "The X-Files." But way back in 1995, Fox the network did big business with the "autopsy," which won its time slot among 18- to 49-year-olds - people old enough to know better - and was rerun the following week, with additional "footage."

That was then, this is now. On Dec. 28, the network will air another special. "World's Greatest Hoaxes, Secrets Revealed," hosted by Lance Henriksen ("Millennium"), will probably alarm a lot of Fox's loyal viewers, as it seeks to explode such cherished myths as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster and the existence of flying saucers.

And, oh, yes - "the alien autopsy." Get this: After three years, it's being declared "fiction."

"Now, for the first time anywhere, one of the actors who took part in staging the alien autopsy ruse steps forward, and all-new footage and NASA-type video enhancements shed new light on how one of the biggest hoaxes of all time was actually accomplished," says a prepared statement from Fox. "Also, other inside sources and top professionals dispute the authenticity of the famed autopsy, exposing further secrets about the origin of the footage."

I feel a little like that Adam Sandler character in "The Wedding Singer" (spend enough time contemplating alien autopsies and you'll start feeling like an Adam Sandler character, too). When the woman who's stood him up at the altar tells him why she didn't want to get married, he replies, "Once again, things things that should've been brought to my attention yesterday!" Or even three years ago.

An actor steps forward for the first time? Didn't he stop by three years ago to pick up his paycheck? Does anyone at Fox really think we're going to believe that "Alien Autopsy" was a good-faith effort on the part of the network, and that this "hoax" was perpetrated on anyone but the viewers?

Do they think we're idiots? Of course they do. Millions of us have tuned in to stare at a giant tumor, to watch cars crash and animals attack. As the three other major networks keep trying to fill their circus rings with dramas and sitcoms and movies (the real high-wire acts of the '90s), Fox lures a sizable number of viewers off to the sideshow for an occasional cheap thrill.

No wonder the tent's falling in. Not that I'm against coming clean. I wouldn't mind a show, for instance, that followed the newsmagazines around with a big shovel and exposed some of their dirty little secrets: the investigations that warn of clear and present dangers but are nearly always timed to coincide with sweeps, the relentless tie- ins with network entertainment shows, that funny lens they use to shoot Barbara Walters.

There may even be a place for this on the entertainment side: "Dharma & Greg"? Not really married. "Touched by an Angel"? Roma and Della, not really heavenly messengers. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"? Not actually a high school student. "The X-Files"? All true. Every word. At least until they tell us otherwise.

elgray@phillynews.com
by fax at 215-854-5852 or by mail at the Philadelphia Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, Pa. 19101.